![]() It reminds me of one wasted summer in my childhood spent guzzling gallons of 7-Up to collect bottle caps to find the coveted, game-winning N to spell out U-N-C-O-L-A. ![]() I did get an “instant winner” ticket for a 12-ounce bag of Fresh Express salad, and another for a doughnut or bagel in the bakery department. People actually do win things, but mostly stuff like modest grocery-shopping sprees and various gift cards. ![]() Did I win big bucks then? No, because there are a bazillion of the evil little tickets given out at stores across the country and only a handful of winning ones for big prizes. The store ran this Mephistophelian version of Monopoly last year too. Monopoly, lures innocent grocery shoppers into the addictive collect-and-win game going on at Safeway stores. I’ve spent the last 27.5 minutes carefully tearing apart those little game tickets they give you at checkout, sorting them by their zombie-brain-eating number system (8C95E, 8V26B and so on …) then licking them like stamps to stick on the paper game board (instead of Baltic Avenue and Park Place, it has images of things like Skippy peanut butter and Bounce dryer sheets), but the stickers taste like dryer lint and they don’t stick very well so I’ve Scotch-taped them in place but, having finally just now read the game rules, it seems using tape or glue will VOID YOUR ENTRY!! Omg, omg, I’ll have to start over. Sure enough, the store chain is running that evil, diabolical, tortuous, infernal Monopoly contest again, and I’ve been sucked in, mortgaging my soul for the chance to win $1 million or a $10,000 family vacation or at least a 25-cent coupon for Heinz ketchup. And as I passed through the deli section, I spied with my little eye a banner featuring the Monopoly guy - you know, the cute little cartoon fella with the mustache and top hat whose name has evolved through the years from Rich Uncle to Rich Uncle Pennybags and then to Rich Uncle Milburn Pennybags, although some just call him Mr. “Instant Win Prizes”: (144,264,243 Prizes total ARV $141,981,450): (i) one (1) $1,000,000 Cash prizes, (ii) two (2) $100,000 Cash, (iii) three (3) $40,000 New Car, (iv) four (4) $25,000 Home Theater, (v) eight (8) $10,000 Cash prizes, (vi) twenty-five (25) $5,000 Cash prizes, (vii) two hundred (200) $1,000 Cash prizes, (viii) five hundred (500) $500 Portable Grill & Groceries, (ix) one thousand (1,000) $250 Wireless Headphones, (x) two thousand five hundred (2,500) $100 Grocery Gift Card prizes, (xi) five thousand (5,000) $50 Grocery Gift Card prizes, (xii) seven thousand five hundred (7,500) $25 FANDANGO Promotional Code prizes, (xiii) twenty thousand (20,000) $10 just for U/rewards! Cash prizes, (xiv) two hundred thousand (200,000) $5 just for U Cash/rewards! prizes, (xv) one million (1,000,000) $2 just for U Cash/rewards! prizes, (xvi) four million (4,000,000) $1 just for U Cash/rewards! prizes, (xvii) sixty five million (65,000,000) Two Free Game Tickets (“Two Free Game Ticket” prizes expire on the last day of the Promotion, or when all game tickets have been distributed, whichever occurs first) and (xviii) seventy-four million twenty-seven thousand five hundred (74,027,500) Free Product Prizes will be awarded by product in-store.I stopped at Safeway today to get olives, drain cleaner and three bars of 72 percent cacao Ghirardelli chocolate.
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